?What are some of the ways that you explain to kids that father and mother need time alone, without feeling guilty about any of it??
A journalist, writing articles on having time alone and couple time when you have kids, asked me this question.
Parents will feel guilty only once they believe that they are doing something wrong by hanging out alone and couple time without their children.
That is a false belief.
Your reputation24 is that children grow up far healthier emotionally when their parents are happy and fulfilled, even if it means that their parents spend less time using them. When parents understand that they are being good parents by talking loving care of themselves and their relationship, their children will understand why.
One way of helping children understand why is to introduce the concept of ?time alone? very early in a kid?s life. By the time a child is three, he or she can easily understand the concept of time alone. If, every time you spend time alone together with your child, you say, ?This is our time alone,? your son or daughter will begin to understand the concept. When you have time and energy to yourself, you can say, ?This is my time alone with myself.? Once you spend time together with your partner, you can say, ?This is Dad and mom?s time alone together.? Parents can tell their children, the moment they are with the capacity of understanding the words, ?We need time alone with you, with one another, and with ourselves. Most of us have to respect this about one another.?
Our three children fully understood the idea of ?time alone? because we spent time alone with each them. They found understand and respect at a very young age the need for time alone.
If you put yourself aside and don?t spend time with yourself and with your lover, you are giving your children unhealthy role modeling. You are teaching them that others are always in charge of meeting their needs. You’re teaching them to feel eligible for your time and attention rather than helping them learn to respect others? time. You’re teaching them that it is okay to demand that others put themselves aside for them, which might create narcissistic behavior.
Healthy parenting means getting a balance between being together with your children, being with your partner, and being with yourself. For the children to cultivate up taking responsibility for his or her own needs and feelings, they have to see you taking responsibility for your needs and feelings. Constantly sacrificing yourself for your children will not role model personal responsibility.
Children need to experience you and your spouse enjoying your time with each other, and also with yourselves. They have to see you pursuing your projects, hobbies, creativity and passions as a way to understand that they also need to find their passions. For anyone who is always there to meet your kids?s needs, how do they discover who they’re and what brings them joy? Always being there to meet your children?s needs for entertainment creates a dependency on others instead of finding these resources within themselves.
Many people grow up being unsure of how exactly to be alone with themselves. Because they were either always before a TV or being entertained by their parents, they never discovered how exactly to ?play by themselves.?
Of course it is crucial to have enough time alone with your children. But it is equally important to have enough time alone with your spouse and with yourself. Once you understand this, you’ll stop feeling guilty about taking your time alone. When you no more feel guilty, your kids will learn to stop guilting you and respect your needs.